Is Eva the Problem at Stanford Bridge?

Breaking:

Unconfirmed reports have it that Chelsea players have all missed those delicate touches of the delectable Eva and are deliberately punishing Mourinho for how he treated her. Sources, who spoke under anonymity, say that should Eva be begged and persuaded to return, there'd be a change of fortunes at the Bridge.

Players who were contacted for confirmation of these allegations failed to provide responses to our questions. Mourinho could not be reached for his opinion on the matter. Repeated attempts to converse with the gaffer were atypically rebuffed and in one case the reporter barely managed to escape unscathed.

As investigations continue on this matter, it goes to confirm the improbable unbelievability of the Blues' fortunes this season. A team that was practically unbeatable and who are the defending champions from last season lie 15 on the 20-team table with a paltry and unconvincing 11 points from 10 games. It has lost half of those games to teams that it could beat on paper, drawn 2 and only managed 3 wins, some in controversial circumstances.

Many fans are deeply pained and most cannot understand, nay comprehend, the strange territory the team finds itself with wins so hard to come by at home and away. The situation in Europe isn't too different. They cannot fathom what the crisis is as the inclusion of Pedro, from Barcelona, and Falcao, from Man U, to a proven and tested winning formula ought to produce better results than is presently the case.

Could Eva's touch be the missing piece of the puzzle of Chelsea's incredulous crumbling? Or are there other reasons that could be adduced to as the basis for this dumbfounding misfortune for a club that boasts such fine quality of players and technical bench? Could it be karma catching up with the manager for badmouthing the Prof Wenger whose team now ironically seat at the top of the log, albeit for a few hours?

The jury is out on that but our investigations continue. Keep it locked on and you're sure to be the first to know should an answer be found. Keep a date with us. Same time. Same station. Cheers and have a beautiful week ahead.

- Moore Numental, 2016
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