On the Senator's Wall

Based on each and every of your recent posts here, one would be forgiven to believe that you have been and remain a "Business Person" as it clearly indicates on your profile. But that has not been the case for the better part of the last year and this one. You have been, in that time, an honourable member of what is the Presidential system of Government in Nigeria with three distinct but complementary arms namely the Executive, the Legislature and the Judiciary, each acting as a check on the other two. 

So, if you think these views of yours reflects badly on one arm because by happenstance you are in the opposition and so, as commonsense will have it, you are inculpable with no qualms about responsibility for bringing about a difference in the lives of Nigerians, it is to be then believed that some sense is lacking about what roles members of the Assembly play in the making or breaking of a country as ours. 

If someone who belongs to the body charged with the responsibility of appropriating money for spending in a country and with the job of making laws that govern the nation (even laws that the President must adhere to) spends all his waking hours pointing fingers at everyone else but the person in the mirror, questions need to be asked about psychological balance and mental maturity somewhere. 

When an elected individual representing a federal constituency invested with the power to call for the impeachment and trial of federal officials accused of wrongdoing prefers the comfort of social media to the courage to walk the talk by making that call in the Red Chambers if truly those accused on this wall are liable, question marks of intent and objective should hang in the air around such an individual. 

In sum, the fact remains in these words: no one else out there from whom you seek shared posts, likes and comments has as much power as you do to make things different. In you is the constitutionally vested power to change the status quo. Your commonsense revolution will go into overdrive if you can match your infomercial antics on TV with some achieved legislation you personally pursue to make into laws that touch the lives of the average Joe on the streets. You will realise that you will no longer need to introduce yourself. The Nigerians you've touched with good laws will do that on your behalf. 

And should anyone contravene said laws, you will again find that you have the power to bring them to justice. Even if that person is the President himself. Impeach him. Since we are into ads, I'd leave you with this line from Peak Milk, "It's in you."

Quot capita tot sensus

Ooh my home, oh my home,
Oh my home, oh my home,
When shall I see my home?
When shall I see my native land?
I will never forget my home!

Interpretations can vary as deemed apposite by the one who gives meaning. The tune can refer to the Israelites by the Rivers of Babylon. For them, deep nostalgia will have settled and the only satiation they can get will be when their feet stand within the temple of the Lord in Jerusalem. It can be applied to the negroes sweating in the sweltering heat of the unending plantations of their "Massa" who rewards their dereliction of duty with extra whips to their already corrugated backs. How dare they chant wishful songs when there's the plantation field to labour over.

That barely scratches the surface. As many as there are heads to give it thought, there are meanings to be got. It can refer to the Diasporan who dreams of the good old days with a glorified romanticisation of the past and a memory that conspires to block out the hustle and bustle of what it used to be back in the days feeding the mind with only the good, bright and memorable aspects.

Another can see in it the yearnings of a wayfaring President whose wholesome duties have taken him far from the embrace of his ranch, the sweetness of the dust in the morning, the percolating stench of the dung from the adjoining herd, the disturbances of the cattle rustlers, the rest of the nomadic wanderings. In all, it may be thought that he'd now envy the blithely candour of his predecessor from whose adrift meanderings he came about his present duties.

And for another, it might simply be the result of an overindulgent memory that juggles things from the past and the present with the adroitness of one with a finger on the pulse of tomorrow. This one will have quickly recalled how this was a song for the Assembly that was called every day of the school week and from where pupils marched soldierly to the classroom for the day's subjects. And it will have brought back a few tender memories of theirs from those beautiful days. And maybe a different song as well.

Drawing meanings can be like armpits sometimes. No, not the implication that it smells. Without discountenancing that aspect, its semblance to armpit is that you'd always find someone with one meaning to something. Or two.

PhotoCred: www.alamy.com

Oddity

Jay always did things differently. Always.

When the date of his wedding drew near, there were hushed tones that began to spread the mongerings that Jay will be bringing his eclectic style to the way the event will be celebrated. No one knew for sure. Those closest to him swore with their lives that it will be a thing to relish because it will not be wedding-as-usual.

"Yes oo," Biodun confirmed to Cele over the phone, when the latter had called to confirm if Biodun got the same email he got. "Jay is just a character."

"We know that one already, but how can he say there's no IV," Cele countered.

"Because he can," Biodun finished off. "So, consider the email the only invitation you need."

"And no dress code?"

"Guy, you can read, abi?" said a now irritated Biodun. "Doesn't it clearly state it there or you are having fun at my expense stating the obvious?"

"No, but..." Cele couldn't find the words.

"But how can a modern day wedding have neither IV nor dress code, abi?" Biodun helped him out. "As I've told Cece, Stacey and Jimi who have all called to make the same enquiries, were we thinking marriage was going to change the Jay we've always known and loved for being the way he is?"

"I'm not arguing with that, bro," Cele said thoughtfully, "but how could he have forced such on the families. Not just his own but the one into which he is marrying?"

"Same thing, Cele. It is Jay. He has his ways. No bi today we know dat one."

"O'boy, that guy na somtin else, I dey teh you."

"Just as I've been telling you since. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go pick up a pair of clean heels. I must be on point come Saturday." As Biodun cut the call, he recalled how he too had wondered how Jay pulled it off. But he shrugged. What was he expecting? Jay can only be Jay. Dazzal.

That was Thursday.

On Saturday, while Biodun savoured the delicacy of a boneless piece of turkey spiced to tantalise the tonsils which he'd carefully selected at the buffet to compliment his admixture of jollof rice and fried rice accompanied by a flanking of Coleslaw dressing, he marvelled again at the uncharacteristic event he was attending.

"Where is the couple? Where 'is' the husband and wife oo" had been the chorused question he'd heard on arrival. As one of those privy of the plans, he'd laughed and kept mainly to himself to avoid being pestered by one of those aunties and uncles who knew he was a close friend of Jay's. He'd been told Cele couldn't make it due to ill health. He'd have to go check on him on Sunday.

Following Jay's crafted sequence of events, the absent couple who asked family and friends to be at the venue of the event at 10 am to witness the glorious union were in a chapel, about 5 minutes drive from that very same venue. In a closeted ceremony witnessed by the parents and siblings of the bride and groom only, they exchanged self-composed vows and were blessed by the vicar.

As Jay will relate to Biodun later, it was over in half an hour. And with glistening eyes, wetted by tears of ecstatic love, he'd listen to Jay relay that moment as being the most magical of his life. Jay was like that, he could paint a picture with words, so perfectly, you'd see with his mind's eyes as he spoke.

Meanwhile, just as the search for the husband-and-wife-to-be was approaching Gulder Ultimate Search levels, the just married Bride-and-Groom waltzed into the event venue with Kate swaying and displaying her wedding band around her finger for the world to see. The shocked looks and wide-eyed astonishment that the realisation evoked was best imagined. Biodun's attempt at stomaching the amusement he felt seeing people come to the consciousness that the vows had already been exchanged failed miserably. He laughed so hard, he choked. Twenty minutes later, he was still red in the eyes.

As he chowed on his turkey and rice combo with his new leather shoes reflecting in the beautiful array of lights in the well-decorated hall, he still had cause to shake his head at the surreality of what he was witnessing. The reception which the event had become since they all missed the exchange of vows was nothing anyone had expected. There was no MC, no dramatic acts of the couple whether it was cutting their cakes or feeding one another, no "long thing". Food was "serve yourself", so no cases of "look face". There was no sitting arrangements based on "aso ebi" and so no hierarchy of guests. By implication, there was no high-table.

A combination of the couple's best songs played non-stop over the venue through the strategically located speakers and they were all mild numbers, mostly number one hits over the years. As these played and people enjoyed their meal, the couple spent the time going from table to table to share moments with friends and family who came to share their day. There was laughter, fun and not a few wet eyes. Some they met together, some individually. They took pictures with many guests and made sure they covered the entire area before going to the serving area to dish their own meals.

From Biodun's table he could see Jay almost cover his entire plate with Coleslaw. Typical. He'd never understand what that guy saw in Coleslaw. He guessed it was he who made sure it was served at the event. Kate went for a modest portion of fried rice and a drumstick. As they walked together to find a table to eat on, Biodun felt he needed to refill his plate.

It was the oddest reception he'd attended quite alright. But with such unusual coupling, it was just as well that the food was so tasty. Some guests were soon seen leaving and it was well and good. They had gifts they'd given the couple and there was a table with souvenirs to pick as you like on your way out. Hmmmm, Biodun shook his head. He'd later take a selfie (or groupfie) with them both but for now, "belle kingdom" must be served. He laughed at himself and almost choked again.

Contra-Common Sense

It's a good day to see the serial voice on TV make an appearing in the Red Chamber. I'd not want to say the pressure of why a disparity of persona existed between who we see on TV and the man in the Senate paid off and forced his hand to brandish his brand of commonsense to his co-travellers. I wouldn't want to infer any such connections. No.

I'd simply allow anyone who watches the clip to think along certain margins. The wise money, I've often heard economists argue, is always on subsidising what can be a money earner for the government. Therefore, they insist on subsidising production rather than consumption. When you begin to subsidise commercial transportation because, as the commonsense argument holds, you want to make the right argument about oil (I doubt the Americans and the English are ignorant of what a litre costs though) and because you don't want demonstrations and protests when you deregulate, when you begin to subsidise transportation for that reason, how does that earn for the government? What happens to small and medium scale businesses that will be choked out of business because they simply can't operate in that climate? Will they also be subsidised next?

Then, car owners? Those who need to get from point A to point B for their businesses to run efficiently without the hassle of public transport? Ooh, everyone should abandon their personal cars and all use public transport? It is unimaginable the chaos that'll cause. Perhaps it is imaginable. Just think about it. On the other hand, maybe we should subsidise that as well. That's the new economics now. Subsidise It. Even while we're tightening out belts oo.

The focus shouldn't be on what to subsidise or cut subsidy on but to make more efficient services that ought to run autonomously without hitches. A more efficient supply of electrical power that ensures industrial manufacturing isn't hampered, good roads that allows goods produced here get there without hiccups and a transport system that you can boycott one and pick the competition to protest price hike in one or the other helps everyone better.

The Senator will also want more money to be given to States. Brilliant. Think along this margin on this one. The argument of political eggheads is that we run an awkwardly obtuse Federation. In true federal practice, the autonomy of constituent units is respected enough for them to be earning and keeping what they earn, contributing just enough for the federal government to run defense, welfare and government at the centre. They, unlike us, do not run to the centre for larger or smaller handouts.

The point is, the focus shouldn't be a "sharing formula" or on shrinking one for the good of the other. It is the relic of a military past that should be consigned to the trash. True federalism is the solution. And there's no better place to make this argument than at the National Assembly. What he's here suggesting suffers the same malaise as he accused everyone but himself of suffering. It is merely looking at symptoms while the ailment is draining the life away.

As presently constituted, the governors can't legislate on certain things that curtail infrastructural development of their States though they are conferred with powers, rights and obligations. Their short list of exercisable powers, rights and available powers limit their ability to meet some goals and running to Abuja, cap-in-hand, is often the only legal means to address it. I wouldn't want to go into the academic delineation of Exclusive, Residual and Concurrent Lists here but suffice to say that even as the Chief Security Officer of his State, a state governor isn't in-charge of the Police assigned to the State. Abuja itself, tied to this Constitution, also has limits to how far it can go to "share" (or to use the revered Senator's choice of phrasing "shrink"). Only last year, it was berated for bailing out States that couldn't pay salaries.

The work to be done to get Nigeria on the path of true progress isn't piecemeal. But it is doable. However, it won't be accomplished "overnight". I'd refrain from using "Mickey Mouse" steps but if the holes from where previously borrowed and earned sums leaked away our collective patrimony are not blocked before the humongous USD30trn the good man urged us to borrow arrives, then, I'm very sorry for the debt servicing that the next generation of Nigerians will inherit. Leakages have to be blocked and secured first, I'd assume.

Plus, there are other factors that play into borrowing than just the said amount and one would've thought the gentleman knowledgeable enough to know this. Or is borrowing to run a business that different from that done to run a country? I'd let the economists dissect that.

There's passion in his convictions, no doubt, and passion has its uses. But it seems, talking (so that they will not say I did not talk) was the intent here. Oops, sorry, I said I wasn't going to make that inference. My bad. Adding the tight-faced shushing of Dino was icing on the cake for me. Bravo Senator, bravo.

The Insanity in Belief and Unbelief

A friend asked that I contribute to a conversation about Bill Gates semi-religious comments. The billionaire (by USD standards) effused about attending Catholic masses with the rest of the family but stopped short of strong involvements in religious commitments saying science had explained most of the appeal to religious doctrines away. He however conceded that there still were some deep realities that suggest the supernatural.

In the piece stating Gates' views was an explanation about how it takes a level of sanity to completely appreciate both the physical and beyond (metaphysical or supernatural). In doing that the author concluded that anyone who doesn't allow for that duality (physical and beyond physical) exhibits a qualified insanity. I say 'qualified' to discountenance our normal view of "roaming-the-street-mad" that the concept of insanity conjures in the mind. The sense implied here is insanity of taking only one part of a dual-existence as the whole.

By the time I was invited, said friend had already engaged a couple of his own friends who were atheists, I believe. I'd leave the direction in which the discourse was going to your imagination. But below, you can (if you choose to) read my reply. Pardon the length.

Here:

I admire you and your tireless efforts at bridging the lacuna between belief and unbelief. I used to be that way for a while, back in the days. Fired with the proofs drawn from logic and rationed scientific disputations of the School of Aquinas, I engaged those whose foundational principles negated God's existence burying it under the rubbles of other fantastical man-made theories and beliefs. I confronted all sorts, from the religiously agnostic to the downright atheist.

And I saw that process drag. I felt it drain all parties and impinge on the warmth of friendships. And it became clear. I was estranging them the harder I tried. I wasn't succeeding in changing their perspectives. Rather, I was expanding that lacuna. They were never going to budge irrespective of the strength of my arguments. I wasn't going to concede an inch despite the historical exactitude of their positions. I didn't see their facts, they didn't see my proofs. There existed no common grounds from whence to begin to reach a convergence.

Nothing gave.

I remembered an old legal maxim I'd committed to memory. "You cannot argue with someone who denies the first principles." It applied as much to me as it did to them.

Theretofore, I abruptly stopped. Every once in a while I engage in friendly banter about faith and religion but those heavy disputations are behind me now. My belief and faith are at an all-time high. It's matured concretely and still going strong. I have some shared values with some atheists than I have with some of the 21st century Christians. And I'm at peace with that. Not everyone who cries, "Lord, Lord..."

I'd end by rephrasing words from an ad that used to run back then about an alcoholic brand. "My friend Udeme is an 'insane' man. But there's a piece of 'insanity' in all of us." As there's a light of wisdom in us too. I don't know what you call it. It is the spark of divinity. For me.

Laughing Jackass and Abacha's Loot

We cannot but crack jokes about the seemingly bottomless nature of Abacha's thievery that's annually returned in tranches to the nation's coffers. For if we are to seriously consider the monumental consequences of that monolithic raping of our collective patrimony, it'll stretch the limits of our sanely existence. So, for our sanity, we appeal to humour.

And in our humorous inebriation, the loot is relooted. On the brighter side, it only implies, we'd have more to, not spend, but laugh at tomorrow, laughing jackasses that we are.

*insert false laughter here*

Trumpism?

What can one say about the veracity of Trumpism here displayed? Studies show that but for interferences from Europe and America, directly or by proxy, African development could've been a lot farther afield than where it is today. However, as the supplier of raw materials to the Global North, the latter cannot afford to allow this Black Continent be anything but backwards aided by many of our own. So, it goes beyond the cunningly crafted words of this billionaire to the historical relevance of Africa's relations with the rest of the world.

But that is one side of the coin. On the other side is the man, Donald Trump.

You can award him marks for not bothering about "political correctness" (where you have to say things not to offend the others' sensibilities even if you may or may not hold such things as truth yourself). He has that. The question is why?

The answer isn't farfetched. That's ALL he has (if his wealth is subtracted, that is).

Everything else that may be necessary for leading a country, nay not just a country, the primus inter pares of countries, the United States of America, is desperately lacking in the persona of Trump. That his surname rhymes with dump doesn't help his cause either, ooh but I digress.

Back to my point now. Where is the charisma? Where is the sense and purpose of leadership? Where's the inspirational presence? Where's the aura that makes you feel the grandeur of respect when you see him even before he speaks? And when he opens his mouth, nothing commanding respect issues forth. Nothing. His gestures, gesticulations, choice of words, body language. Zilch. Nada. No quotable words can be traced to this man's mind.

What you remember of him are things that uninspire. The Apprentice Show. Achievements in business with more and more investments outside America recently. His failed marriages. His demeaning opinion about the less privileged, the disabled, the immigrant American population. His unpretentious racism. His uncanny ignorance of history. His disbelieving connection to Nazi-styled governance. His inability to remember previous lies. His dexterity at twisting obvious facts and his apparent lack of understanding that he's being taken for a fool.

His megalomanic wealth may sway those who pursue peripheral materialistic satisfaction. No doubts there. But what should be a clear pointer at how he'd be considered in international relations and politics comes from Putin's endorsement of his candidacy.

I'd clarify that immediately. Putin is the most nationalistic leader this side of history (and nothing wrong about that. National interests are acceptably key in engaging with other nations. Putin just carries his own on his head and wears it on his sleeve). Putin's interests in world politics are simple. He only needs to ask himself one question: How does this not only affect my country, but also my government and then, me personally? As soon as he can answer that question positively for himself, you get his endorsement. Otherwise, no game.

So, for this same Putin to publicly endorse Trump and for this Toupee-wearing American billionaire to bask euphorically in that unfortunate endorsement, calling Putin his kind of guy is the most unAmerican thing I thought I was never going to witness in my short time here.

I'd finish by saying, nothing but the most mundane and negative and smelly gets the media attention these days. And whatever seizes media focus sells. Trump is a frontline businessman, at home with selling. It is his forte. He knows this so well. He's thus bringing that selling acumen to politics and cashing in on it. The trajectory of his campaign reveals this to pinpoint accuracy. Each time any of his Republican contenders begins to catch up on the polls, Trump knows it's time to make sure all news outlets from Fox to CNN from Al Jazeera to BBC are talking about the next outrageously self-serving, ignorant buffoonery he's said.

It immediately dampens the focus on his competition and gives him another spike in the ratings. Everyone then forgets about how they should be debating their own manifestos and what they promise to bring to the elections. They aim all guns and focus on criticising Trump. Thereby, giving his campaign extra media time for FREE. They forget this, wise as they are. Even the Democrats have disappointingly fallen victims. Can you help it, when the media is focused on it? Not really.

Meanwhile in Trumpiverse, they're cooking up the next storm, waiting for the present one to go completely spent, waiting for others to begin to gain traction, feeling for the opportune time to upset the charts, for Trump to strike again and say another gutter-rubbish.

These are people with Trump who are well versed in capitalist opportunism, who swim with venture sharks and who know when to go for the kill. But the most important weapon they possess is the "how" weapon. Yes, we want to create an upset so bad that we'd look like the saviours when the time comes but how do we go about it? (If that reminds you of businesses today, it's because these are the maestros of that formula) The how? Use sentiments that people already harbour but can't openly express. Bring it up and capitalise on it. ("capitalist", "capitalise" AWESOME) Bingo!!!!! Game over!!!!!

Do Trump's companies not employ Blacks? And Mexicans? At the moment, some huge chunk of his investments are in the Arabic world. So, where did his hatred for the others (Blacks, Mexicans, Muslims) originate? Exactly, politics. This serves his purpose, to clinch the Republican ticket. For that, he'd milk the hate-narrative from here to Gehenna if that is what it'll take to get that ticket. If (he succeeds, not much of a big if) and becomes the frontrunner, good for him. Then, tomorrow should he believe another strategy will aid him beat the Democrat candidate, he'd dump (trump) this hate-tirade and pick that novel one up without blinking nor giving any justification for it, or even fashion out a suitable lie that'll suit the occasion.

Because as I noted at the very start, what else can he run this campaign on? He even dodged serving his nation in military service, something that Americans value and which could have counted in his favour. He has little else to run on but to evoke sentiments and believe that it'll be suffice for a presidential race.

I hope he's proved fatalistically wrong.

Those poll numbers represent mostly Republican sentiments. The numbers are indicators as to how the primaries may go and who may clinch flagbearer. That's all they are: indicators. It's not always the case that they represent actual results and there lies the possibilities for exceptions. Secondly, it is neither representative of how Americans will vote nor are the numbers indicative of the entire voting public in America. So, it's early to call and not possible, at this point, to believe he's outrunning everyone else on his flippant campaign. He's getting famous for his lack of decorum and the media attention is giving him a political high. Truth be told.

But...high horses tend to leave broken men when they discard their riders.